Never Gone Forever
by Jilhaji
Summary: *slash* Chapter 3 now up...very short...::is sorry and points at Author's Note::
1. Default Chapter

Title:  Never Gone Forever  
  
Author: Jilhaji (jilhaji@hotmail.com)  
  
Pairing: SSxHP  
  
Rating: R  
  
Warnings: yaoi, sex in later chapters, angst, male pregnancy  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own either of these two, more's the pity. If you can find a way to deliver Snape to me, I will be your eternal servant  
  
  
  
Harry tossed and turned, breathing heavily and clutching at his stomach. The thin sheen of sweat on his body and the clinging sheets twisting tightly around his body, he thrashed and whimpered. Pain and anger fought a bitter battle across his flushed face, and tears slowly slipped from between his eyelids and marched solemnly down his face, just as blood slowly trekked down his palms from the places where his nails dug into the soft flesh.  
  
*flashback*  
  
"No! Harry, I will not hear of it! Remus and I are agreed on this for once. You make a choice this instant. Pick between him and us...because there is no way that we can accept this! I'm willing to do anything to protect you from him, the bastard!" An angry Sirius Black paced and gestured fervently. He seemed about ready to kill something.  
  
Harry cowered on the couch, with his knees tucked to his slim torso, tears in his eyes. "Sirius…I can't...please don't make me do this. I love-"  
  
"No! Harry, listen to us! Please…we love you. And-" Remus tried to stay calm for the sake of his young step-godson, but Sirius was still furious.  
  
"Harry! That prick has been using you! You have to see that! I am going to kill him if he so much as lays a finger on you. It's your choice, but as much as I love you, I'll never speak to you again if you go through with this." Sirius stormed out of the room and out of the house. Remus went to Harry and wrapped the boy in his arms. They could hear Sirius zooming away from the house on his motorcycle.  
  
"Let him calm down, Harry. I'm angry, but I love you, and this must hurt. But, you have to understand that we cannot support this. He is not right for you, and you will realize that eventually. It will be easier for us all if you just end it now. We'll help you, and you'll get over this." Remus spoke quietly while rocking the young man in his arms.  
  
"I can't…what would I do? Please…" Harry's voice trailed off into sobs.  
  
"You'll find a way, but do it soon. Sirius cares for you quite a lot, but he will kill Severus if you don't. You know how protective he is, and he is being serious. This is wrong. It can't be, and you have to accept that." Remus' voice was calm, but Harry knew that Remus was as dead-set against him as Sirius was.  
  
*end flashback*  
  
Harry sat straight up in bed, breathing heavily. The tears did not stop, and the sobs that shook his frame were filled with pain and suffering. He suddenly felt the pain in his palms, and stopped crying long enough to untangle himself from the bed and to make it to the small bathroom attached to his room. He washed the blood from his hands and quickly wrapped gauze around his palms. He raised his eyes to the mirror and roughly wiped the tears from his eyes, self-hatred glaring back at him from the glass. He lowered his hand to his swollen stomach and thought back to the episode following the one in his dream, the last time he had seen his love.  
  
* flashback*  
  
"Sev…we have to talk." Harry gave his lover a slight smile, his face appearing much more confident than he actually felt.  
  
"That's never a good way to start a conversation. Is something wrong with- ?" Sev reached to take his younger partner into his arms, but Harry stepped back and calmly pushed him back.  
  
"No. Everything is fine in that department, but I do have something to tell you." Sev quirked an eyebrow, innocently unsuspecting of the painful verbal blow about to fall. "I lied to you. I'm sorry, but…it's not yours." Severus crumpled, falling back to rest against the wall, disbelief plainly evident on his face.  
  
"No…no! That's not true. That can't be true! Tell me it's not true." Desperation and agony made speedy appearances, and Harry stood there calmly, the picture of indifference. There was no sign of the love and devotion that Sev was used to finding there.  
  
"Stop whimpering. You're a grown man. Read my lips, Sev. I don't love you. This isn't your baby, and I'm leaving you because I can't stand this anymore. It was fun, but…not enough." Harry managed to keep up the act, but inside he was screaming at himself and holding in the desperate desire to reach out and comfort his lover. Instead, he turned his back and walked away, out the door and out of Severus Snape's life. Once he reached the end of the hallway, he turned and saw his former lover curled up just inside their door, sobbing and broken. Harry spoke quietly, only to himself, "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…"  
  
*end flashback*  
  
Harry wiped his face for a final time and quietly walked back to the bed, praying that sleep would come again and bring happier thoughts this time. Instead of blessed sleep and peace, however, all he got were more tears and memories. It had been 4 months since he had walked out that door, and he had yet to have a full night's sleep. He didn't know what to do, because, despite Remus' assurances, he still hadn't healed. He still loved Severus, and he didn't know how he was going to survive this.  
  
He loved Sirius and Remus dearly, and both of them were being the perfect guardians now that he had put Sev behind him. They were all he could ever want, even if Sirius still glared anytime the father of Harry's child came up. He could never do anything to hurt them, but the memory of his love in that doorway kept haunting him. The thought that he had broken Sev's heart, even as his own was breaking wouldn't let him rest. He had realized at that moment that there was no way that Sev was using him or faking his emotions, but he couldn't go back to him. He couldn't risk Sirius' anger, or losing both of his godfathers.  
  
So instead, he lay awake at night and wallowed in his sorrow and self- hatred. He had to keep up the façade, because the entire world seemed to be concerned with his well-being, and that of the child that would be born in the next three months. He couldn't let anyone know how he really felt, especially not the people he cared about. His child's other father would remain unknown, and the real father would have to remain unknowing. That was the way things had to be, but Harry vowed that he would love his child no matter what, because the small life within him was all that remained of his beloved.  
  
  
  
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Author talking now! Listen up:  
  
Okay…I realize that this might be a teeny bit confusing, but everything will make more sense as the rest of the chapters go up. It will have a happy ending I promise! Though maybe not quite as happy as one might like. Read and Review please? The more reviews I get, the more encouraged I am to get the next part up faster. This will be the shortest chapter. The rest should be at least twice this length. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
See Chapter 1 for warnings and such.  
  
Thanks to all of you who reviewed. The next part is almost ready to go, but knowing me and the fact that it's end of term it might not be up til Monday.  
  
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"I'm telling you Sirius. He is not happy. I have heard him at night, and he hardly sleeps. He's awake tossing and turning until all hours and when he sleeps, he cries and calls out. It's enough to break my heart, and then, he keeps up this act with us. He is breaking up inside, Siri. And there's not a bloody thing I can do because he won't talk to us about it!" Sirius glared at his cup of coffee as his lover spoke from across the table.  
  
"I don't like where you're going with this. I know you, Remus Lupin, and I know exactly where you are headed. We did the right thing. That pedophile bastard does not deserve Harry and I won't let that slimy arse near my godson!" The coffee cup shattered and Remus quietly pulled out his wand to clear up the mess. "You're just overreacting and if you thought for a minute, you might realize that. He's a sick fuck, and he can just stay the fuck away."  
  
Remus stood to replace Sirius' coffee, speaking quietly. "I am beginning to think we were wrong, love. You and I both read all of those letters he sent. They did not sound fake to me. They sounded like they were written by a man with a knife through his heart. Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I wonder how much of this was just us being stupid assholes about an old grudge. Harry's dying a little each day over this and we're sitting here congratulating ourselves about ripping him away from someone who he loves-"  
  
Sirius jumped up and roughly turned Remus to face him. "No! Stop it! He does not love Snape! Gods, Remus…what has gotten into you? I mean- "  
  
Remus snapped back, "No, Sirius! What's gotten into you? Your godson who you seem to be so protective of is in pain and you are being too stupid to realize that maybe we were wrong! Maybe we made a bloody mistake! After all, did we even ask Harry anything about them? Did we talk to them? Or did you just start screaming at him the minute he told you about it? Sirius! He damn well came in glowing to tell us! And now there's a young man up there who's eight months pregnant and you're not able to see that you were wrong!"  
  
Remus never yelled and the mere shock of it was enough to shut Sirius up, but not enough to get him to agree with his husband. Sirius spun on his heel and ran from the room, leaving Remus with his coffee. Remus watched his lover storm past the window and into the garage. The werewolf looked at the vile sludge that his love called coffee and turned to dump it into the sink before gripping the counter and letting the tears come out. His knuckles turned white as he held onto the tiled surface for support. "Oh gods above, Harry. What have we done to you?"  
  
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Harry crawled from his bed after yet another restless night, roughly shoving the blankets away from his body. He showered and dressed, taking the time to magically heal his injured palms and to remove the bandages. His looser t-shirts were already useless and most of his muggle wardrobe had been stored away for the time when he could wear it again. Once again he thanked whatever gods above had allowed for robes, which he could wear all the way until it came time to head off for delivery.  
  
He swiftly wrapped himself in one of Remus' old robes that was soft with age before searching out the sneakers that he had tossed behind a chair the previous night. Finding it impossible to put on shoes standing up, he sat down on the side of the cold bed, which he refused to call his. "His" bed was halfway across the country, and he held little hope of ever seeing it again, let alone sleeping in it. Harry absently ran a hand over his swollen stomach and softly began singing a Muggle song that Sev used to wake him up with. "Good morning beautiful. How was your night? Mine was wonderful, with you by my side and I open my eyes and see your sweet face-" Harry broke off and began softly sobbing. He curled up on his side, remembering Sev gently wrapping his arms around him, quietly singing into his ear before kissing him awake.  
  
He clutched at his stomach, murmuring tenderly, and slowly collected himself, slipping the mask in place so that he could go downstairs. He stood slowly and went to the bathroom, carefully pointing his wand at the dark crescents beneath his eyes, hiding them with a charm before brushing his hair back into a low-slung ponytail. In the years since Hogwarts, he had taken to letting it grow and it turned out to be much more manageable that way. Besides, Sev liked it. Harry cut that train of thought off before it went anywhere. He could not think about his love. It hurt to bloody much.  
  
He checked himself over to make sure he looked decent before stepping out of the bathroom and grabbing a book to read. Getting outside in the sunlight might do him some good, and at the very least, reading meant that his godfather wouldn't try and talk to him. Harry stepped out onto the landing and felt a brush at his feet. Looking down, he saw Remus' cat, Jasiri, Swahili for Brave. As if it wasn't enough that a werewolf sleeping with a dog animagus had a cat, Remus went and named the poor animal in one of the obscure languages he loved so much. Jas rubbed against Harry's legs before scampering down the stairs for her breakfast, oh so gracefully skipping the last three steps in her hurry.  
  
Harry had just set foot on the top stair when a sudden burst of pain shot through his stomach. His foot slipped and he felt himself falling. Instinctively, he curled up to protect his stomach as he felt his shoulder slam into wood. Then, his head connected with the edge of a stair and just before everything went dark, he heard Remus' cries and felt himself levitated quickly into sturdy arms. "Sev…?" He went limp in Remus' arms, and Remus looked in horror at the blood on his temple and the rapidly forming bruises on his body.  
  
"SIRIUS! SIRIUS! GET THE HELL IN HERE NOW!" Remus screamed and as soon as Sirius came running in the door, he handed his precious cargo off to his stronger mate before leading the way to the fireplace and the floo powder. "St. Mungo's!"  
  
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	3. Chapter 3

AN: I know I'm a terrible person and I'm really sorry, but between being a very sick puppy and finding out that muggle days are just too short my life has been on the hellish side for a while, and I finally dragged myself to a doctor yesterday. Now that I'm on orders to quiet down, I should be posting a good bit for a while before I go to Maine and the land of no internet in 3 weeks. Sorry this is so short, but I split the chapter into two parts and the next part needs some tweaking. I send you my endless apologies and promises of slashiness! ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________  
  
".3-inch laceration on the skull, severe bruising along the right shoulder-blade, 2-inch laceration on the left hipbone, light bruising along the spine, leading into heavier bruising on the left hip and thigh, culminating in a broken ankle. Potter went into labor just before the fall and the first contraction was apparently what caused the loss of balance in the first place. Staff members are unable to use magical means to heal the injuries because of fears concerning complication to the birth, but they are taking care of Potter's injuries with their recently adopted non-magic methods. Potter is in emergency care and is still in labor. We will bring you updates as we receive them. This is Nina Maxwell speaking for Magic Media Interna-"  
  
:click:  
  
"-jamin Walkir here for British Wizard Webnews. I am standing outside St. Mungo's hospital where as you probably have heard Harry Potter is receiving emergency care. We have thus far been unable to get an interview with a family member, but sources have informed us that the Boy Who Lived suffered widespread injury during a dangerous fall down the stairs of his Godfathers' home, where he has been living quietly for the past six months since his sudden-"  
  
:click:  
  
"-Boy Who Kissed and Didn't Tell is inside the hospital now and according to all reports, is giving birth to his long awaited child. We still have no news on the father, but it is expected that-"  
  
:click:  
  
"-sorry, girls! The stories are definitely true, and Harry Potter is in labor right now. Britain's most eligible and dead sexy bachelor is definitely off-"  
  
:click:  
  
"-pregnancy leave suddenly. Cannons fans everywhere were disappointed, but supportive of his decision. We here at Quidditch TV have been eagerly anticipating this great event, and not only because fans cannot wait to see Potter back on a broom and in the air. For those just tuning in-"  
  
:click:  
  
"-cal Britain's darling is about to give birth to his own darling! Our favorite war hero went into early labor early this morning and was taken to St. Mungo's by Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, who have been caring for Potter since he announced his pregnancy and left the Cannons on leave six months ago. As most know, both remarkable men have been Potter's guardians since the Dark Lord's fall 10 years ago, even if the Boy Who Lived actually lived at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for safety reasons up until his sudden-"  
  
:CLICK:  
  
The once proud professor dropped the remote from one weak hand before curling in on himself, and falling to his side on the couch. No noise came from his mouth, but tears silently darkened the fabric his cloak where they fell. 


End file.
